Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Douchebag of the Day

So there I am, sitting in traffic, late to pick up my friend to take him to the airport. Stuck at a red light. Oh, did I mention my window is rolled down?

To my left, also stuck at the red light, are two young men in a brand new BMW. The passenger is dressed in a baseball cap and probably a baggy sports shirt but he's riding too low for me to see, the driver is in a dress shirt. However, I do not know this yet because I'm still facing forward watching for the light to turn green.

Now, maybe if I wasn't under a lot of pressure right now, maybe if I wasn't running late, maybe if my douche-o-meter hadn't been reading off the scale, maybe if I hadn't lost patience long ago with creeps who hit on me when I'm minding my own business, maybe I would have been a bit more polite. But that's a lot of maybes.

So when the driver leans over his buddy and tries to get my attention with a "hey excuse me" I respond by staring back stone faced for several seconds, and then spitting out "what do you want?"

Which is of course, a natural first step towards "do me, do me now."

At least, I imagine so because this guy's a tenacious little fuck.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

What? Oh hell no.

"That's none of your business" I tell him.

At which points he loudly tells his little gangsta buddy "damn, the bitch has some attitude."

I continue to stare at the light.

And then, because obviously it follows since I would turn down such a charming dickwad in a beemer:

"Are you gay?"

Then to his buddy "I think she's gay."

Very good fuckface. Yes the reason I'm not pulling over and blowing you this very instance is because I love the pussy. Can't get enough of it. Shit, if I didn't have to pay rent I'd be rug munching 24/7.

Finally the light turns green. I flip them off and floor it.


Monticore said...

So much to say.
1. If you ever hope to take over Andy Roney's job you have to holdback on the vulgarity.
2. It's always been so surprising to me who these douches hit on. I mean nothing agianst you E- but you just don't seem the type of girl a gansta would "wanta get wit"
3. I've gotten in big trouble many time in my life. Mainly because my first response to any car honking at me while I'm walking has been to give them a big F*%# You finger. This has resulted in quite a number of friends, including Adam and relatives receiving "The Bird" via me.
4. Always funny keep up the funny

Adam said...

5. Join the Ms. Ann Thrope fan club, get autographed t-shirt.

edluv said...

the bird? that was the best you could do?

i think you should have pulled out the 9, and showed 'em how they do in miami.

Ann Thrope said...

Ha! That had me laughing all day Ed.

My life on paper said...

unfortunately, there are too many idiots like this out there driving bmw's and such...