Thursday, October 20, 2005

Reach Back Like a Pimp

Procreation is the only real accomplishment in life, the only reason we do anything is so we’ll get laid. It’s the joke that every biologist loves, but that isn’t really a joke.

But I have a new theory. I call it the Unified Theory of Everyone’s a Fucking Bitch.

The only reason to we do anything - academics, date, fight, fuck, drink, smoke, do drugs, join the fucking Peace Corps - is so we can say to people “shut the fuck up, we’re doing it my way.” To win the experience contest, mine’s bigger. I’ve done more so I know better.

Don’t believe me?

That’s cool, I understand. It’s not like I’ve got extensive life experience to back up jack shit. I’m just a smartass, snot-nosed, know-it-all kid. And you are?

But because I’m a smartass I know enough to realize that everyone is a fucking bitch. And really that’s what drives me to do anything.
Humanitarian-shumanitarian, I want to do enough so that I can finally tell you to STFU.

See you in Kampala bitches.

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