Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Snowflakes

I am the spark of anger in the deepest green.

Listen up fuckface.
I’m here to free you.

Not a gentle release, this is a freedom borne of violence.
I’m not here to sing Kumba-fucking-ya with you.
I am here to make you free so that I don’t have to beat the living shit out of you.
I am here to make you free by beating the living shit out of you.

I quit and you should too.
I did some shitty things to learn my lessons.
I did some shitty things so I could be free.
So dump on me, tease me, hurt me.

I quit and you should too.

Make me miserable and I’ll owe you even more.
Cry for you until I haven’t got any more.
Give and give and give.
Until my tears dry up for no other reason but there’s no liquid in me to make them with.
Until my eyes are hot and dry and swollen and my head throbs with dehydration.

And then I blink.
I pour myself a cup of cold water.
It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.

I slam my palms against what doesn’t give.
Curse my sex. I’m looking for a fight.
Knock down, drag out, split my lip and taste of salty blood.
On my tongue.
Like the tears.

And damn you. Damn you for treating me like this.
Damn you for treating me like I have the intellect of an infant.
Damn you for the bruise on my palms, from trying.

And I smile, because I finally figured it out.

And I quit. And you should too.

(My job. Not blogging)

1 comment:

evolve said...

from "love letter": "I think I would rather pay a prostitute then fuck my girlfriend"...
Compelling, universal, damning of the entire race, subversive, subverting, transcendent and ...that's enough.
As for me, I agree.
But I would rather fuck her, the woman, the human being...every single time - rather then the "prostitutes", shape shifters, role players, bargain hunters... From a book, "How can you respect a world run by a bunch of kids turned old?" ...My only responsibility to myself ever has been to become, to become adult

As for "snowflakes", it's called "wishes"
I wish I could stop paying
I wish you could stop paying
I wish strength was not weakness
I wish weakness was not strength
I wish our bedroom was the world and the world was forced to conform to our bedroom
above all, I wish that if I failed you, if I betrayed you, that you would spit in my face with venom and fury unleashed, swift and intent, no trial, no jury...

all of these being active imagingings
you make me wish YOU were online
pragmatism

This time I wasn't flirting

- evolve