Sunday, March 13, 2005

Unzipped and Slipped

I have a professor who is fond of telling us that humans don’t mate.
You know, like on the Discovery channel?

The professor has a point, unintended though it might be. The brain inhibits erections and humans do stand out in the animal world for having rather ridiculously large brains.

It’s spring. And I can’t shake the sneaking suspicion that a number of humans I am surrounded by have started their bizarre mating rituals.

The girl putting on her lip gloss so her lips look wet and flushed with blood, like her vulva when she is sexually aroused.
And the guy who is stroking her shoulder with a finger or two? Merely a reenactment of what those two fingers could do up her cunt on her Skene’s gland.

I suppose hindsight is twenty-twenty but it is surprising that for so long, females were considered the passive partner in sexual encounters.
Female rats will solicit a male’s attention by hopping or running by and rapidly shaking her head. It’s only after she has purposefully caught his eye and he taps her flanks that she will assume the stiff, stereotypical lordosis position.

And really, girls are bitches. Take it from one who knows, there’s nothing quite so disgruntling at that smug satisfied look of a girl who thinks she landed her man.

Evolutionarily, I’m as good as dead. It amuses me far more to watch then to participate in these-less-than sly liaisons.

Because how could I possibly maintain my superiority complex otherwise?


Anonymous said...

why you feel you gotta have a superiority complex?

Anonymous said...

It’s very simple.

I’m thoughtful, intelligent, and erudite.
The real question is how could I not have a superiority complex?

Oh and did I mention a panache for speaking tongue in cheek?