Sunday, April 19, 2009

Open Letter

Hey fuckwad,

I'm sure being the Sunday night trivia dude at some grotty bar in Atlanta was totally your life dream so maybe learn how to do it right.

First of all, nobody is here to listen to you being clever. So shut the fuck up, read the questions clearly and give us the fucking answer in a timely manner.

Second of all Lolita's real name is Dolores. There is both a Lolita, TX and a Dolores, TX. Therefore, when you ask "what Texas town has the same name as the title character in a Vladimir Nabokov novel?" Be prepared to give points to people who write "Lolita/Dolores".

Third of all, do not fucking argue with me motherfucker. Have you ever prepared for qualifying exams? Yeah, didn't think so. Have you ever had PMS? No? Well let me tell you. It sucks. Multiply it by 150 and that's an approximation of how I feel ALL THE FUCKING TIME right now. So even if you're going to be a totally illiterate douchenozzle who doesn't know a Vladimir Nabokov novel from his asshole, don't be a dick about it. I am not an idiot, in fact I am probably 2 to 3 times smarter than you (and even if an Oscar worthy performance has cleverly disguised some MENSA shit, I am clearly better read than you), so do not repeat "I asked for the MAIN character" in that condescending little prickass voice at me, motherfucker. Dolores = Lolita. They are the same motherfucking person. I understand the meaning of the words "title character" however since Lolita = Dolores, you are not allowed to withhold points for people who provide both names as the answer.

In summary, suck a big fat one you stain of week old monkey jizz.

Fuck you,


P.S. I firmly believe that the country is currently in the shitter due to exactly your kind of ignorant, pig headed, close minded, assholery.