Monday, June 04, 2007

And now, me!

Starting very early in my childhood, my mother issued me an ultimatum with regards to my hair. I could either assume responsibility for its care and maintenance or she would cut it all off. Thanks to this ultimatum, I wore what is euphemistically referred to as a "pixie cut" for the majority of my childhood. Courtesy of the local SuperCuts I looked not only like a boy, but a boy with a shitty haircut.

As proof here is the photo off my diving license, circa 1997:

This is the haircut that would eventually grow out into the infamous mullet, just in time for a passport photo. The passport is now thankfully expired.

Once I managed to grow out every last god forsaken layer of my SuperCuts haircut, I settled into a habit of cutting my hair once every year or so. The cut is chin-length and goes straight around. No layers, no bangs, virtually unfuckupable. The impetus behind the cut is always the same; I get tired of washing, conditioning, and brushing long hair just so it can end up in the inevitable bun. Also, it's fucking hot.

So it's getting to be that time of year again and I've got this crazy idea that I want to splurge on my first real hair cut ever. I blame impending grad school related life changes.

Of course, if I'm going to drop a wad of cash on a hair cut I'm going to want something a little bit more complicated than my usual chin-length chop. Go big! Go bold! Go Natalie Portman?

This is where the voice of reason steps in; I grab my diving certificate and I take a hit of cold, cold reality. Thanks through the cruel currents of my gene pool, I do not have Natalie Portman's cheekbones. Also, at 5'8" and 133 pounds, I don't really do pixie.

One small shred of hope remains however. SuperCuts did me no favors, perhaps a more skilled professional could overcome my previously shitacular experience with what would later become Natalie Portman's haircut?

Most likely I'll sit on the idea for a while, talk big, wuss out, and do the same thing I do every time. Because that's how I roll.


edluv said...

umm, wow. that was some hair. i know that you ubersmart types are sometimes not known for your fashion sense, but, yeah.

maybe you could get a perm, and then sort of sculpt/cut it to look like adam's. then you could be twins. except for their beard. although, you could take some of the frizzy permed hair that has been cut off and glue it on your face.

i say, go crazy. #4 razor. i'll even loan you mine. then, you'll be @ grad school, working w/infectious things, and people will assume you're some crazy radical. no fly list here you come.

Monticore said...

No you could still do short hair you just need to go to a professional. Since you are cutting off a substantial amount most people will donate the haircut if they can donate your hair to locks of love.

I would highly recommend going to Monica at Ammenities (my salon). Your hair cut would be free and she is great. You've got nothing to loose. Also I have a 1/2 off coupon for a cut or color. So for essentially 40 bucks you could get a professional hair cut and color from an Aveda concept salon ( a very responsible company in regards to animals, the environment and people).

Ann Thrope said...

Thanks for the tip Heather! I think that I will pay Monica at Ammenities a visit next time I am in Fresno.

Although, why would the hair cut be free? (Not that I'm complaining, $40 for a cut and color is fantastic.)

edluv said...

the haircut is free if you're donating enough hair to locks of love - aveda's policy.

Ann Thrope said...

Ah thanks Ed. I read Heather's comment too fast and thought she was just suggesting that I donate the hair to Locks of Love.

Which I was planning on doing anyway but hey, bonus!