And a second, related, little known fact: I love GAP pants. Specifically, the more casual slacks that they sell; 100% cotton woven by the small, careful hands of Bangladeshi children. They are incredibly comfortable and fit me in the most flattering fashion.
It is my secret shame, although I have never actually bought a pair of GAP pants at full price. I have only ever bought at a deep discount or from second hand stores. I have one pair in particular, olive green which goes with everything, that has accumulated many bleach spots in the past years and has lost the button off one of the back pockets. I am afraid I am soon going to have to lay these pants to rest, as there are holes developing around the seams.
Although there will be no perfect replacement, as GAP no longer sells this style of pant, I have been looking for a near replacement, on and off, for many months now. The replacement pants must be:
1. 100% cotton
2. A non-khaki, non-black, non-navy color
3a. Possessing of ass covering back pockets
3b. Possessing of front side slant pockets
4. Lacking in side pockets of the cargo pants variety
5. Wide legged with a broad hem
Now, do not misunderstand. I am willing to, and do, wear pants that do not fit these specifications. That is because I am adaptable. However, in a perfect world these are the pants I would wear most days of the week. My “blue pants” if you will (referring to Homer Simpson’s signature attire, a similarity Adam pointed out.)
I think I have found these pants at, no surprise, the GAP. Subtracting the removable (and hideous) sash, I believe these pants (in gray) as well as these pants (in terrain) represent ideal panthood.
Sadly, these are a $60 and $50 pair of pants, respectively. I have never spent $50 on an item of clothing in my life and I hadn’t planned on doing so for another decade at least. For now I have decided to bide my time and wait for a sale. This may prove to be unwise, as I am of average weight and build and my clothing size tends to disappear quickly. Oh pant Gods, why must you curse me with this lust in my heart?