Monday, January 15, 2007

My Blue Pants

A little known fact about myself: I am incredibly picky when it comes to clothing, especially pants. This characteristic has intensified in recent years. If I am not completely satisfied, I refuse to waste my money, as I know the item of clothing will languish in my closet in favor of a few cherished items. This has made me perhaps a bit overcautious in my purchases. I’m quite the difficult shopper, perusing any number of stores without buying a single item.

And a second, related, little known fact: I love GAP pants. Specifically, the more casual slacks that they sell; 100% cotton woven by the small, careful hands of Bangladeshi children. They are incredibly comfortable and fit me in the most flattering fashion.

It is my secret shame, although I have never actually bought a pair of GAP pants at full price. I have only ever bought at a deep discount or from second hand stores. I have one pair in particular, olive green which goes with everything, that has accumulated many bleach spots in the past years and has lost the button off one of the back pockets. I am afraid I am soon going to have to lay these pants to rest, as there are holes developing around the seams.

Although there will be no perfect replacement, as GAP no longer sells this style of pant, I have been looking for a near replacement, on and off, for many months now. The replacement pants must be:

1. 100% cotton
2. A non-khaki, non-black, non-navy color
3a. Possessing of ass covering back pockets
3b. Possessing of front side slant pockets
4. Lacking in side pockets of the cargo pants variety
5. Wide legged with a broad hem

Now, do not misunderstand. I am willing to, and do, wear pants that do not fit these specifications. That is because I am adaptable. However, in a perfect world these are the pants I would wear most days of the week. My “blue pants” if you will (referring to Homer Simpson’s signature attire, a similarity Adam pointed out.)

I think I have found these pants at, no surprise, the GAP. Subtracting the removable (and hideous) sash, I believe these pants (in gray) as well as these pants (in terrain) represent ideal panthood.

Sadly, these are a $60 and $50 pair of pants, respectively. I have never spent $50 on an item of clothing in my life and I hadn’t planned on doing so for another decade at least. For now I have decided to bide my time and wait for a sale. This may prove to be unwise, as I am of average weight and build and my clothing size tends to disappear quickly. Oh pant Gods, why must you curse me with this lust in my heart?


Adam said...

I'm telling you, those pleather pants with the lacing up the outside! You should pick up a pair. They'd go with everything.

edluv said...

are you sure you're of average size? because i'm the guy that hands out lab coats, and, well, i think you might want to try a different size. nevermind that you're wearing a size that could be used as a reference.

Ann Thrope said...

Adam - I honestly think that those pleather pants are the anti-my blue pants. If they came in contact, there would be an explosion.

Ed - And what comfortable size "small" lab coats these are.

Monticore said...

That's some pretty strict criteria for pants. Are you sure it has to be 100% cotton? My criteria is 100% natural fibers (wool, silk, cotton) but I also require that my pants are lined. I also prefer the wide leg pant.

Ann Thrope said...

Hey, I am a picky shopper.

The reason for 100% cotton is that these are for more casual wear and I tend to associate wool and silk with a dressier cut. Which is fine (and I definitely approve of a 100% natural fabric rule) for when I need/want a dressier cut. Also, I tend to shop for warmer weather and cotton just seems cooler.

Of course, since I tend to stay within my clothing comfort zone I could be wrong what with lacking extensive wool and silk wearing experience.

edluv said...

perhaps if you bought warmer pants you wouldn't shiver so much. you don't really live in the tropics of mijamis anymore.

Ann Thrope said...

Except for the four or five months were Fresno is 105 F? Dry heat my ass..

Anyway, for some reason the public school system in Miami thinks that classrooms should be freezing (I think it's to keep the students awake) so it's not like I spent my childhood running around nekkid or anything.

But I digress.

Ann Thrope said...

Oh and let me add, the freezing classroom thing works. I never fell asleep in class until I came to Cal and had classes in rooms without air conditioning. There is no better soporific than a warm September day in class.